LOVE + UNLOVE || pt.1

I've always been infatuated with the idea of love, and thus fond of being a "hopeless romantic," and writing about every occasion in which my heart has felt it was touched. I decided to leave now the rhymes once written for those who touched my heart. These could've been as insignificant upon me as a simple breath of emotion, or actual love and unlove. But I wanted to compile some parts of each here. Each may have been written for a different man, or a boy, labeled as such, but they're not necessarily in chronological order.


A Strumming of Heartstrings for boy #2

I know it has been but seventeen days, and I am often stupidly impulsive. I think, and think, and think, but thinking doesn't keep my heart from feeling. And I'm afraid I feel strongly.
Yes, it has been but seventeen days but I want to know everything about you. I want to know what you dream of at night and your first thoughts in the morning. I want to know your fears and what you hold dearest. I want to know who you aspire to be in twenty years and more importantly, I want to be there when you find out you've achieved it. I want to hold your hand under the sun and kiss your lips by the ocean breeze. I want to give you my heart to keep, with a safety pin against your leather jacket. Yes I want all these things. I want to fall in love with you.


Deeply in Love with man #1

2015: Dear journal, almost a year since I first saw him and there hasn't been a day when he didn't occupy my mind. It feels like I've loved him all my life, like somewhere a long time ago I was Van Gogh and he was the prostitute for whom I slit my earlobe.

2016: He is always beautiful, it is one of his flaws. Do not ask of me to describe how that could be, for I am at a loss for words. I desire not to recount the details of a work of art, rather I prefer to observe them. With careful precision I want to engrave them in my memory, so that everywhere I go I carry this image of a divine creature. Then where I am will matter not, nor the circumstance or the blemishes of the mundane world. With him near, every flawed aspect of life is inconsequential.


And suddenly I become sad. Perhaps it is the way that I love you that gets me down.

I touch you and it feels like poison. 
It's a burning sensation that runs all through me, it makes my stomach twirl and blurs my vision.
As if I've drank too much vodka, suddenly I'm unable to think. 
Then I wake up feeling two hundred emotions all at once, my head feels heavy over my shoulders and my lips are sore, my mouth is dry. The only thing that satiates my thirst, that cures my ill, is you. And in that manner I've become addicted to your body, the most dangerous drug.

boy #2, when you left I felt like Isaac Newton

Love is nothing but a distraction, a defect of the mind. An obstacle to the capacity of the human brain.
There is nothing special in love, there is no equation to solve, no skill to master, no practice required. Anyone can do it, 
and often they do too quickly.

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